Life changed for Ganesh last year.
He was a mill worker, with wife and two kids. Wife never complained about anything. But, he knew, his earnings were just not enough. Mill was on the verge of shutting down. Kids were sent back from school as he could not pay fees. All the avenues of borrowing money were closed and he had nowhere to go. If there was anything, it was his confidence that he will get through these though times and rise up again. It was nothing new to him, he has done it before.
This confidence in himself, with which he could face any challenge, was shattered recently.
Soaked in sweat, breathing heavily, he kept walking. He held the bag close to his chest. He was waiting for this day for the whole one year. Now, there was some hope to recover. Skin pale, sagging, he was weaker than ever before. Once a while, he stopped to breathe. Images of children were flashing before him. “kuch khatam nahi hua abhi. Muze mere bachchon ko padhana hai, bada banana hai..jo muze nahin mila who unko milna chahiye. Main dilaunga unhe!”, he kept telling himself.
---
Life wasn't too different for Babu.
The day used to start and end on footpath. He was born there, it was his home. A small-time pickpocket, he used to get 10-12 rupees a day. “Maangke kuch nahi milta, chinna padta hai. Logon ke pass paani jaisa paisa hai. Ek do boonde girgayi toh kya hooa. Kisika khoon toh nahi kar raha hoo..”, Babu believed. He just didn’t see anything wrong in it. Earning money the honest way was too long of process. He had seen his family die trying the honest ways for years. He didn't believe in it anymore.
His life revolved around bunch of so called Bhai’s who used to dream of high rolling cars and big houses. In his dreams, life was going to change when he catches a big fish one day.
“Aaj koi bada haath maarna padega. ” he thought. Through the smoke his Bidi, he spotted a man holding a briefcase to his chest and walking fast. “Milgaya..lagta hai bahot maal hai bag main.”. He chucked the Bidi and ran towards him.
---
Babu snatched the bag from Ganesh and ran for his life. He did not look back. He didn’t care to check if someone was following him. The best thing to do was get out of there as soon as possible. After a few minutes, his curiosity for the bag forced him to stop at a recluse corner. It felt like a safe place.
“Bahot paisa nahito jhewar, kya hoga ismain? ”, Babu thought. After struggling for a bit, he managed to break it open. It was the moment he was waiting for.
“Saala fatela naseeb!”, he cursed the god and threw the bag away. There was no money or jewelry in the bag. The stuff in the plastic bag spread on the floor. There were injections and medicines and some papers. Just out of curiosity, Babu skimmed through those papers. It was a letter from Government of India.
“Mr.Ganesh, aapki darkhast manjoor hui hai. Appko Healthy-India fund for Poor Programme (HIFPP). Ki tarafse yeh dawaiyaan bheji jaa rahi hai.”
“Nahi yaar, saala public pakadke maaregi. Paagal mat ban. Aur waisebhi kahan dhoondhenga usko?”, a quick thought of returning the bag to the old man ran through Babu’s mind. The guilt of stealing from a poor guy and that too his medicines, was something that he didn’t want to live with.
“Jo bhi hoga dekha jaayega”, he decided to himself and went back to the same footpath in the hopes that he might just find that old man there. What he found was a crowd surrounding somebody.
“Arey margaya lagta hai? Pata nahi kahan kahan se chale aate hai. Daaru pi hogi aur kya?” One of the crowd members said. Babu made his way through the crowd.
It was Ganesh, the old man!! Babu felt the pressure on his shoulders.
“Agar yeh mar gaya hai toh, jail, torture, life toh khatam Babu! Satakle yahan se.” That’s all Babu could think of. He was just about run away, and somebody yelled.
“Arey bhaisahab, haath do. Saanse chal rahi hai. Jaldise inhe hospital le chalet hai”.
Babu helped getting Ganesh in the taxi. He quietly put the briefcase next to Ganesh. “Thank you bhai-sahab…aapne bachaliya..”, somebody held his hand as he was about to walk away. It was Ganesh.
“Maine aapko nahi, aapne muze bachaya bhaisaab!”, Babu wanted to say. Emotionless, he just looked at Ganesh but couldn’t say a word. Tears rolled down his eyes as he walked away.........
way to go sj!!
ReplyDeleteseriously - I think this would make a pretty compelling short. I remember we came up with a bunch of loopholes in the storyline when you had narrated it to us the first time but I think you covered most of them with this final draft :) nice job!
just one teeny weeny nit-pick - how does a pickpocket who lives on the footpath know how to read an official certificate/letter?
all in all - keep writing! we want moar!!
Thanks U!
ReplyDeleteI agree with you about pickpocket being able to read part. But then, I thought, may be there will be better ways of handling this in the real movie.
@SJ: Good story!
ReplyDeleteAnd I agree with nutty that it would make a good short. The main reason for that is I think this can be a silent film. I think all the effect you created here using the dialogue (thoughts) and the back stories can be created on screen with costume, body language, expressions and actions. I think the lack of dialogue could add to the suspense and emotion.
You should write a screen version of it! :)
And yes, please write more
Silent is what I had in mind too. Sure, I will be writing more...
ReplyDelete@SJ: Good one dude, really liked it.
ReplyDeleteI had a few comments. This story can be made into a good short film. But if you decide to make it as a short, then there should be a good reason for a back story, it should be compelling and it should be used only where needed.
Ganesh - hardworking individual with a family to support. You establish that and now the audience have a soft corner for him .. Ganesh is now a likable character. But the part about him being a confident person, he has faced challenges before and its nothing new to him - all these aspects as a reader / audience, I can only accept it for face value. Will there be a flash back sequence / back story to tell us why the protagonist is like this? And even if you do include this, why is this aspect of his personality required to be established in the short film? The way the story unfolds its probably not needed.
Babu - His back story was short, compelling and established the character well. As the audience we understand he is cynical. But why did his family die trying to live honestly (will there be a back story?)? I am a little torn on this, maybe its easier for the audience to accept that a person, who has lived all his life on the streets and grown with street gangs, is a cynical person. A back story about his family may not be needed.
For the climax - Its hard for the audience to feel anything for Babu. He was ready to run away when he saw Ganesh was dead, just to save his skin. That scene didnt help redeem Babu. His tears seemed only selfish coz he was worried of being arrested for killing a person. In order to redeem Babu you might want to change the scene to show that Babu felt guilt and wanted to help Ganesh even after he had died ("Kisika khoon toh nahi kar raha hoo..") Babu lives by his rules. He knows that he will be punished for breaking the law, but still decides to help Ganesh (luckily for him Ganesh is not dead) ... Now as the audience I understand his tears and he is now the protagonist for me.
Hope you dont mind the long comment, but again its a great idea and you should work on it.
Thanks!
Very thoughtful comments MG! I agree with all of them. Currently, the idea is in first stage and needs inputs like yours to make it much more compelling and complete.
ReplyDeleteRegarding long comment, I love it! Somebody taking interest in your work and giving feedback is very rewarding. So, thanks.. :)
Too good :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Rushabh!
ReplyDelete